I wish that people understood that choosing to have a child is a dramatic decision. Getting sterilized at 24 was dramatic, but so is birthing an entire human and pushing that human out of the smallest hole in your body and then having that human be completely dependent on you for every basic survival need for 18 plus years.
Having kids shouldn’t be the default. The default should be NOT having kids, and you should have to make an active choice to have them. A lot of people raise the “What if you regret it?” when I chose to get sterilized, and so what if I do? I’d rather regret the hypothetical absence of a child than regret a real flesh and blood person.
I know so many parents who regret having kids, but it’s too shameful and fucked up for anyone to ever admit that. So they just pressure other people to join the cult of their misery so they don’t have to admit that deep down. They always wonder, “what if?”
I’m disabled and taking care of myself is already exhausting as is. I’m doing well, but I’m so mentally ill and I’m barely staying afloat right now. And every single thing in my entire life has been very intentionally designed in order to support all of my needs. And if any of my routines got thrown off, which they would if I had a kid, I would be completely non-functional.
It would not be fair to myself or my hypothetical child to bring them into a situation where their caregiver couldn’t properly take care of them. My decision was very mature and thoughtful and responsible, and came from a deep understanding of how much work raising a child truly is. Sometimes I get this feeling that child-free people understand the decision they’re making much more thoughtfully than people with kids, because we have to actively make a choice to opt out of the default narrative rather than passively accepting our fate.