I responded primarily to the prompt. What do you wish more people in your life understood about being child free? Uh, I have to take a little deep breath.
This has been so nice you guys. Thanks. Yeah.
I wish people knew that just because I’m not trying to have kids, I still grieve the loss of not having them. I grieve it for me. For my parents who would love to have a grandkid, although they’ve never pressured me, they’re so, I mean, my mom would just be so happy to have a grandkid, like it would be such a joy of her life, and I want that for her.
But I mean, I feel like it’s fortunate that my parents have never pressured me. My dad has never said anything about it, even though I know he’d love to be a grandparent too. I think it’s a gift that they’ve given me that they’ve never pushed me in that way. Um, and I grieve not having a partner to do this giant, crazy life thing with, I have a partner who I love very much, but he has never wanted kids.
Won’t ever have kids. And but also the notion, the hypothetical of having a partner who would be like. Let’s do this crazy thing. Like there’s something that’s like really romantic to me about that and like think that that’s a loss for me to not have that person. Um,
so it’s heavy and it hurts, even though I think it’s probably the right choice for me. Because of my chronic health issues, , I struggle on a daily basis. And to add a kid on top of that feels impossible. Certainly I could do it, but it might run me into the ground.
And then what, , the part that hurts the most is how much my parents have always loved me just. With such immensity and I can’t pass that love onto my own kid. And that loss is so great that it will probably always be with me, uh, and something that I will carry, for the rest of my life.
And I just don’t really know like what to do with that. Like . How do I know that this is probably the right choice for me to continue , to live a healthy life and a balanced life, and to be able to have the time to like manage my health issues and maintain friendships and write poetry and do the things that are meaningful to me and still feel, still hold onto that grief.
I just know I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. I mean, I think, like I said, it will always be there, but I’m hoping that. That I’ll continue to try and find ways to reconcile that. Um, but it will probably be a lifelong journey for me towards an attempt at reconciliation.