When I first started my period I exclusively used pads for about a year because I’d heard stories about things like toxic shock syndrome and how a tampon will “break your hymen” which I’d heard was painful and also they just kind of scared me in general because I didn’t know how to use them. So it was pads for me all the way.
Until one day I decided it was time to try using a tampon. My older sisters used them so why not try one? The problem was, it was the last day of my period and I wasn’t really bleeding much at all, so my hoohoo was pretty much too dry for a tampon. But I didn’t know that.
So when I inserted the cardboard applicator it kind of got stuck half way up. And because the applicator wasn’t in far enough, the tampon didn’t go in all the way and kind of got stuck halfway in my v.
So I’m sitting on the toilet trying to figure out what to do and the tampon is just sitting there halfway out of my v soaking up any available moisture it can find and meanwhile I don’t know if I should yank it out or push it in further or what because I’ve never done this before.
I decide to try to push it in all the way but it won’t move AT ALL, and I’ve never stuck my fingers in my v before so I’m NOT doing that because weird. So then I decide I should pull it out. But it’s not moving that way either. So then I move down to the floor thinking a change of position will make it easier, so I’m laying there on my back trying to pull it out. Nope. Then I try squatting on the floor but nothings working. And now I’m starting to panic, wondering if I’ll just have to walk around with this dry cotton thing stuck halfway in my v for a whole month until my next period starts and I can get it out. Clearly I didn’t know much about how any of this worked.
So I decide the best thing to do was yell for my mom to come help me get it out so I yell “MOMMMMMMM! I NEED HELP!” And she comes running up to the bathroom and sees me squatting on the floor looking scared and mortified and she’s like “What is happening?” and I say “I need to get this tampon out of me but I don’t know how!!” And she says “Just pull it out.” But I explain that I tried and it’s not moving and I’m scared and it hurts and I don’t know what to do and COULD SHE GET IT OUT FOR ME?
Now, I don’t know why I thought that was the best thing to do but my mom is kind and was a nurse so I figured she’d seen everything. So she grabbed some vaseline and quickly swiped the tampon out of me and threw it away. And as she stood up to leave she reminded me to only use tampons when I’m actually bleeding enough to need one. OK mom. Lesson learned. And mortifying memory locked in for life.