I never really thought about being a mom, pondering my own lackluster childhood, without any positive examples of parenting. But dad assumed that we’d have kids, having grown up in a too small house with too many siblings. So, after two years of marriage without any, we sought advice on fertility from Dr. Theresa Burdick, Ob/Gyn, who ended up delivering you, Sarah and JohnHenry.
My pregnancy was uneventful- no morning sickness, excessive weight gain or weird food cravings. Although when I passed dad’s weight of 160, I promised myself that I’d get back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 140 within a year, and I did. Dr. Burdick was concerned about my low hematocrit, which we later learned was hereditary, but not until I ingested daily doses of slow-release iron supplements and gobs of iron rich foods- spinach, almonds, mushrooms, and red meat. Did you know that taking Vitamin C with iron rich foods helps to absorb the iron? All my efforts did not budge my hematocrit upwards, so Dr. Burdick started weekly injections of iron into my buttocks at about 30 weeks. They didn’t hurt but they caused bruising and tissue damage, which I still feel, 33 years later. I recall several occasions at the neighborhood pool, where I would swim for prenatal exercise, and other ladies in the locker room asked if I needed domestic violence counseling because of the bruising. I assured them that I did not and explained the prenatal regimen. They were relieved, and a little embarrassed.
I liked being pregnant, the growth of new life within me and the anticipation of your birth. I availed myself of all the prenatal classes- natural childbirth, breastfeeding and newborn home care. Seattle was a progressive medical city in the 1980’s, offering all forms of free education classes to prospective parents. At one class, I was approached by the local PBS TV Channel 9 to participate in a discussion and later a documentary concerning circumcision. They proposed filming me during labor, not knowing your sex, with the eventual delivery revealing which decision we would make regarding circumcision.
I traveled to San Francisco during my ninth month, very pregnant but also very healthy. Grandma Patty wanted to throw me a baby shower. I stayed with them, although I also visited Mac and Lucy, who was two at the time. After the day with Lucy the energetic toddler, and Mac, the neurotic mom, I met Grandma and Grandpa at a BART station near their offices and settled in for the long ride back to their house. I felt suddenly very nauseous, faint, and sweaty. We exited the train at the Castro Valley station and drove to the emergency room at Alta Bates Hospital in Berkeley, Grandma terribly concerned
the entire drive there, and me a bit worried as well. The ER Doctor contacted Dr. Burdick and she assured us that I just needed rest and hydration, which the ER provided me all night long. I received IV fluids and stayed on the roll away gurney all night long, and Grandma and Grandpa picked me up in the morning, all better. We were all relieved that the incident had passed. I don’t remember speaking with dad, but I must have. Funny that I don’t remember…
The shower the next day was lovely. Loretta, Mac, Aunt Kathy, former wives, and girlfriends of your uncles, friends and neighbors of Grandma who were all so excited to shower me and you with gifts. You were to be the blessed child of Grandma’s favorite (shush) son, and when you turned out to be a girl, even more special you were to her. In fact, I still have several of your blankets from that shower, and I will pass them on to you when you are pregnant.
Once back home in Edmonds, the days grew nearer to your birth. We celebrated my 31 st birthday with Jim and Karen at a gorgeous restaurant downtown, with a view of Elliott Bay, and champagne, of course, but no labor pains.
By November 30th, you began your urge to emerge. Dad, the wanna- be doctor, monitoring my contractions and breathing diligently. Did you know that he applied for medical school after USF but couldn’t get in? I don’t think he ever recovered from that disappointment…
We watched James Taylor on PBS in the wee hours of Dec. 1 st , then called Dr. Burdick for advice. We arrived at her office in the morning, she told us it was too early to be admitted and advised that we go for a walk to try to speed up the labor. We walked the hills of Seattle for a few hours, lunched at The Brooklyn Café on 2 nd Ave. and then trekked back up the hills to Swedish.
My labor with you was slow and steady, so darn slow that for a long time I refused the epidural offered to not further slow the labor. In the afternoon, dad called the PBS crew and they arrived, secretly shadowing me and Dr. Burdick throughout the labor. Loretta arrived in the evening, and walked the halls with me, still with her gorgeous platinum blonde curls, and me in my stylish blue hospital gown. I think there’s a clip of us strolling the halls of Swedish in the documentary.
Nothing was happening; you didn’t want to leave the comfort of my womb. Eventually, the contractions began in earnest after my epidural later in the evening, but despite breathing and pushing and the force of gravity, you weren’t descending through the birth canal. Dr. Burdick elected to use forceps to assist her in your delivery. Thank God for the epidural at that point! Forceps are like giant silver salad spoons, inserted into the vagina and engaging the head, gently pulling the baby through the canal. Dr. Burdick instructed me to push as she used the forceps to guide you out.
What a relief to us all when you emerged, wailing and cone shaped head, but gorgeous none the less. Everyone was crying for joy as you lay on my chest, nursing. The camera crew filmed everything, and alas, no circumcision decision was needed.
Once I was your maman, I never looked back. You consumed my days and nights, as I monitored your feedings, waking and sleeping hours. I never gave you a bottle, or formula. I weaned you about 14 months, just in time for a break until your sister Sarah’s arrival. You traveled with me to Gerard’s, played in your portable crib while I prepped for the restaurant’s evening service. You slept in Heather’s crib, covered with a lovely green and yellow quilt with a large goose appliqued on it, with stencils of geese all around your bedroom. You were a delight! Easy, peasy. And had I had known how wonderful and fulfilling motherhood would be, I would have never feared it.
I love you, daughter #1.