Let’s see. So, my mom had breast cancer and her mother had breast cancer. So again, it was something that was like, ‘Well, when is this gonna happen?’ Both my grandmother passed in her nineties and my mom, you know, had her surgery and was still doing well. They were both in their forties and this was in 2021, so I think I had just been vaccinated and I was like, ‘Oh, I need to get a mammogram,’ because I was very adamant about getting mammograms as soon as I could when I turned 40. And my doctor was like, ‘Oh, we’re not really seeing people.’ And I was like, ‘No, I need to get a mammogram.’ And I went in and got a mammogram and then I got called back and they were like, ‘Oh yeah, we see something.’ And then needle biopsy. I caught it really early, which was great.
But, I think one of the things for me, you know, I had the lumpectomy and I did radiation. I think it is just still like on the cycle of MRI, ultrasound, MRI, ultrasound and I just stopped, went down to just getting the ultrasound now. But now that I haven’t had imaging, which is what they’ve told me to do since it’s almost been like eight months, the next ultrasound now in February makes me wanna burst into tears already. I hated doing it every six months because you have to have a panic attack every six months, right? But now that it’s been longer, I’m like, ‘Fuck.’ So I think that’s the hard part. It’s just the waiting. And then I think also too, for me, because like psychologically on some aspect too, I’m like, ‘Oh, I got out easy, right? I didn’t have to have chemo, I didn’t have to have this.’ So you know, like not letting my brain go to the dark place of even thinking about like the mind games of like, ‘Oh, maybe I shouldn’t even come to this thing and talk about it.’
Because if I don’t look at it or talk about it or think about it, then somehow that’s going to protect me or whatnot. But I appreciate everybody talking about how, regardless of your experience, it is something that’s just with you, you know? And it’s a dance of like how much energy you give it, and sometimes you are doing the dance and sometimes you’re doing the lay down.
So my thing was ask for the specific help that you want. Yes, people will wanna help you. So tell people what they can do versus just… I received so many blankets and candles that I did not need or want, especially the candles. Lean into your care coordinator, and they will show you the ropes and kind of lead you to the next thing. Write down anything in a Notes app or have a friend go with you to all your doctor’s appointments. Assign somebody to be your messenger so they can tell everybody who’s texting you like, ‘Well, how did your surgery go?’ Da da da da. Talk to that person. Advocate for yourself. You don’t have to have the Doogie Howser oncologist that they assign you.
Ultimately you can make your own choices, and just because you can drive yourself to radiation doesn’t mean you have to. Oh, this was something that I learned on Reddit after I had a breast reduction. Somebody said, ‘Get a Tushy ’cause you don’t wanna like reach all the way behind you to wipe,’ to like this little bidet thing.
And that was a great, a great note.